Happy Birthday, Voldemort!
by Dementors hate chocolate
Summary: Voldemort is not happy with the party his Death Eaters throw for him. Oneshot.


**I do not own Harry Potter, but if I did, I would be so AWESOME!**

**Here's some more of my madness. Hope you enjoy.**

"Leave it over there," Voldemort said, motioning toward a table stacked with boxes wrapped in bright wrapping paper as Lucius Malfoy entered the room.

Lucius placed his present on top of the pile and joined the other guests.

It was the Dark Lord's birthday, and his Death Eaters were throwing him a party. Bellatrix had generously offered up her house for the party, and had decorated the living room with large banners that read, 'Happy Birthday, Lord Voldemort!',black and red streamers, and balloons that never deflated.

The Dark Lord was sitting at the table, looking bored, and watched as his Death Eaters drank wine and talked quietly about recent developments in the war.

Bellatrix suddenly came in with a huge birthday cake; she was using her wand to suspend it in the air, and controlled it so that it flew onto the table.

"Happy birthday, My Lord," Bellatrix kneeled before Voldemort as stared at the gigantic cake."Blow out the candles and make a wish!"

Voldemort blew out the candles, and then Bellatrix cut a piece of the cake for him.

As he took a bite, he shrieked in anger, and everybody in the room flinched, expecting pain, as was the case whenever their master was angry.

"Why is this cake vanilla when I asked for chocolate!" Voldemort pulled out his wand and struck down the nearest Death Eater in anger.

"I will have the house elves make a new one," Bellatrix said, removing the offending baked good, and quickly left the room.

"Why don't you open your presents, My Lord?" Lucius suggested.

"Very well," Voldemort said, and grabbed a present off the table. As he ripped open the paper and stared inside the box, his face twisted in anger.

"Was this someone's idea of a joke?" Voldemort said quietly, lifting up a black toupee with two fingers.

"Oh, no, My Lord, I thought it might help you get some ladies," Crabbe said, the smile sliding off his face as Voldemort raised his wand, and blasted him through the wall.

"Let's hope these other gifts are more satisfactory," Voldemort said, with a threatening look on his face.

The next gift was a bottle of hair growth potion, which Voldemort chucked across the room, then crucioed Macnair, who had given it to him.

A new recruit, Viletto, tried to edge out of the room as the Dark Lord picked up his gift next, but Voldemort noticed and said,"Where are you going Viletto?"

"Ah, nowhere, just stretching my legs," he sat back down; oh, he was so going to get crucioed! If the Dark Lord was upset about a toupee, then he would certainly hate this.

Voldemort pulled a card out of the box and read it.

"You gave me an appointment to consult with a Healer about a face makeover?" Voldemort said dangerously, looking at the cowering Viletto.

"Well," Viletto replied nervously. "I think you would be more pleasing to the eye if you had a face lift, maybe a nose job, they could do something so you weren't so pale, maybe a hair growth..."

Viletto stopped talking because he was on the floor dead.

Voldemort lowered his wand; the boy was worthless anyway.

When he opened the tiny present that contained a gift card to a tanning salon, the Dark Lord screamed in fury, and lit the rest of the pile on fire. Why did everyone insist on making insulting comments about his appearance and trying to change how he looked? So what if he was bald, and pale, and didn't have a nose?

"I'm sorry," Lucius said, looking terrified. "You always look a little pale, I thought you could use some color..."

Voldemort pointed his wand at Lucius and Lucius pleaded, "Please My Lord, I thought you would appreciate it, I did not know it would anger you," but a jet of light shot from the end of Voldemort's wand and hit Lucius in the face.

Lucius cringed expecting pain, then sighed in relief, because it was not the cruciartus curse. But he suddenly felt a draft on his head... he touched the top of his head...his beautiful blonde locks were gone!

Lucius fell sobbing to the floor.

"NOOOOOO! My hair!"

Voldemort kicked him aside, and started firing the balding spell at every Death Eater in the room, and they screamed as they touched their shiny heads.

"Now, maybe you all will stop talking about by bald head!" Voldemort cackled evilly. Then he yelled, "Bellatrix, where's my cake!"

She came hurrying in the room holding another cake.

Voldemort looked at it, then said, "Why aren't there any sprinkles?"

Bellatrix looked terrified. "I am sorry, My Lord, I was not aware that you wanted sprinkles..."

"CRUCIO!" Bellatrix fell to the ground, crying in pain.

Voldemort paced around the room, staring at his followers.

"This is the worst birthday I have ever had. None of you know how to follow orders; you mess up my cake, and my presents were horrible. Now, because you are all pissing me off and I want to hurt everyone, we are going to play a favorite game of mine; it is called the crucio game. "

The Death Eaters shuddered in unison.

"So you must all stand in a line." Voldemort stared at them, waiting.

"STAND IN A LINE!" Voldemort shrieked, and the Death Eaters hurried to obey him.

"Now, you must stand completely still as I crucio each and every one of you." Voldemort grinned evilly.

When the 'game' was over, all the Death Eaters were lying on the floor in pain.

"I feel better already," Voldemort gave an evil smirk.

"Now, it's time to dance!" Voldemort waved his wand, and a disco ball came down from the ceiling and a Beatles song started playing.

"Whoo! Yeah!" The Death Eaters stared at Voldemort bogeying around the room.

"All of you dance!" Voldemort screamed and the Death Eaters got up from the floor and reluctantly joined the Dark Lord.

Voldemort grabbed Bellatrix and twirled her around. When Rodolphus tapped him on the shoulder to switch partners, Voldemort avada kedavraed him and said, "Oops. Guess your single now, Bellatrix."

Bellatrix was staring at her dead husband on the floor, tears of joy in her eyes.

"Yes, My Lord, I guess I am." she smiled at her master.

The Dark Lord sneered in a happy way; this turned out to be a good birthday after all. He crucioed some annoying Death Eaters, he was listening to his favorite music, and he was dancing with Bellatrix.

Happy Birthday to Lord Voldy!

**Ha ha Voldy likes chocolate, and sprinkles, but not toupees or tanning salons.**

**Review please!**


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